I discovered for myself that black and white or "all or nothing" approach with my artwork can really affect my artistic journey. My first thought goes to deprivation. When I don't allow myself play time with my creative self, it becomes vital that I have something amazing to show for it when I do. It is almost as if there is a voice saying, "If I can't measure progress or success, I can't justify making this time again." Sound absurd? In working with the Artist's Way, I realized that simply making the time and taking action was progress. In fact, even consistently attempting to make time to be creative is progress. The time I plan is sacred. I get to watch how quickly I put the needs of others first, how I abandon the plan altogether when conditions aren't just right or even how I won't take action unless I can get someone else involved. All of these reasons and more put me into a state of "analysis paralysis". Judgements, outcomes and my own harsh inner critic take over and I can't complete the action. When these things happen and it takes over the situation or opportunity, there is a part of me that was waiting to say "See! I told you this would happen." It is the story I subconsciously prefer. Even when I take a risk, make plans and take action, there is part of me that is waiting to say "I knew this would never work anyway"
So, the question is this: When am I ready to quit living in that story? Perhaps the story of defeat and powerlessness is all I have ever known. Maybe even though it isn't good for me, I am more comfortable there because it is how I spent a good portion of my life. The point isn't so much in the "Why is it this way?" as it is the "How am I going to change it?". For me, I use two main tools: support and repetition. Support shows up in the form of accountability. Generally, someone with experience that can help me to realistically set goals and reflect accountability. I once had a mentor that told me "Find people who are doing what you want to do and immerse yourself in them". Forming a plan of action, speaking it out loud and following up are scary and vulnerable things. It is so easy for me to talk myself out of something or break a promise to myself. In the beginning, the accountability is huge. Repetition is also key. In this journey, I am almost guaranteed to embarrass myself, stumble, come up short, etc. Who do you know that sets a course from A to B and glides perfectly each time? I make an agreement with myself to create what I lovingly call the "string of pearls" effect. Each experience is a pearl of wisdom. There is data I learn about myself, the environment and the process. When I get caught in all or nothing thinking, I forget to keep collecting the data. If something goes wrong or an emotional land mine is hit, I would simply quit. Forming this new agreement allows me to collect a series of data. One experience may be something I prefer not to do again, but I have to proportionately weigh that against other experiences. If I make an agreement to keep going until I have 6 art experiences for example, then I can look over the "string of pearls" and collect the emergent pattern for a more realistic truth. Then I can regroup, make some minor changes and try another series. Did I try a different teacher? A different media? A different time of day? A different support-network? There are so many ingredients to consider. It is a delight to set forth on a journey and learn more about what is conducive to my own greatest potential and to also know that my journey varies from those around me. So, my question to you is this: What story are you currently living that is holding you back from your greatest potential?
