I went to an outdoor painting event back in October with other artists from the state. This "plein air" experience always brings some regulars as well as new faces. I got to know one of the new faces and we chatted a bit on the second day. He had been painting a good bit while working his corporate job although he wanted to pursue more art upon retirement. In conversation, I talked about the energy and inspiration I always got from coming together in a group with people of like minds and passion. He mentioned that a challenge for him is that being a new face, it was discouraging when people immediately started to "teach" him. It made him feel less than and seemed as if there were already this "understood" hierarchy in the group. I began to internalize wondering if I had done this during any of my conversations with him. As a teacher and an active member in the community, I tend to guide and navigate others. It is hard in my personal arenas to turn this off. I have had the conscious thought many times that I need to be in an arena in which I just participate. No leading, no teaching, no overextending: just that I show up, do my part and do it well. I brought home that experience into my other groups and paid attention to how I engaged. I asked myself questions like:

"When I share something, am I asking for feedback and shared experience, or looking for accolades? Am I presenting something from the standpoint of concrete thinking or am I looking for suggestions and other ways of looking at things? Do I always have an answer, even if it isn't backed with experience? Do I offer praise and sincere complements as often as I get them? Do I only participate when it is about me?" 

It isn't about beating myself up but more about making a conscious reflection. How do I participate in a group setting? Do I participate in a group setting?  Well to be honest, when I took a look it was a bit lopsided. I also could see that when people demonstrated the same behavior to me, it made me feel like a human resource rather than a contributing member. I want a safe place to belong and participate and I want to improve when and how I give.

Taking workshops from other teachers to watch how they teach.

Working with others and offering support and guidance when asked.

Putting myself out there even when it isn't my best foot forward and not just showing only the good.

Seeking those that intimidate me and get to know a little more what they are doing and how.

Asking questions more often to new comers to get a sense of who they are and what direction they are coming from.

Looking for ways that I can contribute or bring conversation and connection to the table are meaningful to me when being part of a group. I am like that new artist I met at the plein air event. It is camaraderie I am looking for, not promotion. It is experience I want to share, not opinions. It is meaningful connection I want, not an audience. 

Thank you to the new artist that had the courage to speak his truth and share with me his experience. He ended up "teaching" me.